ok anon let’s all sit down and hear a cautionary tale

once upon a time there was a young human being who really liked to read fanfic

one day in their search for hot yaois they found an akuroku fic where axel dresses as santa and puts a candy cane up roxas’s butthole

being the young human being they were, they thought this was excellent and very sexy and oh what a wonderful fic

there came a christmas

at this christmas, the hero of our tale came into posession of a box of candy canes

and they had a terrible thought

and one night they decided to not put a candy cane up their butthole but still Do Stuff with it, and that is exactly what they did

it was a very underwhelming and unpleasantly sticky experience and not half as wonderful as they had first thought it would be, and somehow they did not get terrible sugar induced crotch rot but learned a very valuable lesson which is going to be the moral of this story

similarly to how badly written fanfic doesn’t know what is good lube, it also does not know what is a good thing to get off with

do not put sweets up your hoohaa

the end :)

YES. YES I HAVE.

(as a follower of tumblr user formerly spacestepmom now ruf1ohn1tram, how could I not?)

can’t say it’s really my thing in the way it’s intended but it’s ridiculous how much fun it is just to go around and eat everything you see and just become this complete clusterfrick of demony animal bits

seriously look at what i’ve become it’s ridiculous

(i still haven’t managed to get a tentacle dick, though, it’s a sad life i live as the great warrior Booty Wrecker. don’t judge my name.)